You ever look around a room and wonder how many people you can beat in a game of chess? No, not really? I know you’re lying. At the very least you’ve looked around and wondered if pitted against someone in an intense game of “rock, paper, scissor” how many times that person would throw rock before they realized you’ve settled on paper (if you haven’t already made up your own sign). I’ve often wondered why we place these little titles on each other when we have no idea what they mean. For instance we often times hear the phrase “they’re so clever.” What makes them so clever? Why have they been given this description? Being clever isn’t playing little mind games on people for the sole purpose of outsmarting them. Being clever is when you are a kid and your mom asks what you want for dinner and you say “food.” That is clever. Clever doesn’t have a thought process. Clever is taking what we’ve learned and putting it out there in its simplest form. That is it. Think of all the things you’ve laughed at in life or that you thought were clever and I’ll guarantee its funnier when kids or animals do it. You ever see a child pretending to do grown up things? Ten times funnier and a billion times more clever than when a grown up does grown up things. Which is the perfect segue to me focusing on a phrase that makes me laugh every time I hear it.
“I’m a grown man.”
That’s not clever.
What does this mean? What makes a man wake up one day and decide this is his proclamation to the world? What makes him in that moment realize this is officially who I am? I went to the Pharmacy one night and this guy was standing in front of me. The woman at the register was receiving all of his best one-liners about how he would “change her way of thinking” and ” She should probably just quit her job and go out with him right then and there.” Which in hindsight was a bit strong and shocking because I didn’t know people actually talked like that. First: no disrespect to what this guy was trying to accomplish, but very few people can get away with talking like that to a woman without being a skunk with a French accent in a Warner Bros. cartoon (I hope with all the descriptive modifiers you got the Pepe Le Pew reference) or Will Smith in the movie “Hitch”…assuming he comes up with a clever way of putting it. Second: he might wanna take it easy when he is purchasing from a pharmacy. You realize you’re not buying clothes or shoes right? This particular gentleman told us all we needed to know about his foot care. But we digress. So he finishes with the obligatory flourish of informing the woman to let him know when she’s ready to be with a “grown man” and not boys. She simply smiled and said “Okay. Will the Tin-actin, skittles, and toilet paper do it for you today?” Very clever.